I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
