I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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