dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
