ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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