she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
