I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
