Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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