everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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