You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My bed smells like the plague
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
