More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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