wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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