Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
