I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
