What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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