how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
How naked do you want me to be?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
