I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
