It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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