this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
