I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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