they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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