if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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