I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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