i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
