I'm gonna have a badass scar
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
