why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sorry about my life...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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