i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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