I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
