i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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