you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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