We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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