Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
