I wish you could order shots online.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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