If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
