ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
