If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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