disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
