I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
