your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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