shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
