Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
