We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
