Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
