Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dignity is for republicans.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
