she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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