Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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