shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
