on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dick very happy bro
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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