this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
