I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
