R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
did i just pee glitter
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
