Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
