If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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