Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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