my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
