I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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